Oh dear!

I have a lot to update on about this pregnancy. I'm just about six months pregnant and a lot of cool things have happened, like an ultrasound and name selection, but that's not a post for today. Today I need to post about how I'm feeling. Once I started feeling physically better, I started to get really excited about having a baby and being pregnant. I'm a natural worrier, so this happy feeling has never been free from worry, but for the most part, I was so happy! In the past week or two, things have really flipped. Instead of being a little bit worried and a lot about happy, I'm mostly just terrified.

Terrified doesn't really explain this feeling... worried about being a parent and the baby, scared of major failure, and even a bit sad that the life I know and love is going to change. It is the end of an era, as they say. I'm sure some of these emotions are related to the hormonal changes happening to me right now, and the fact that my stomach is growing and growing, and the pain in my lower back that is likely to only get worse. I'm sure some of it also as to do with me leaving one of my part time jobs (reasons are complicated, it's not just because of the baby though), a job that I enjoy.

I know a lot of women experience increased anxiety and mood swings as their pregnancy progresses, but I didn't really expect to experience this level of fear/depression/anxiety (take your pick). I know in time I will be okay and get back to being my normal self. I don't feel hopeless or desperate because I won't let myself get to that point. I'm doing my best to stay positive, and positive self-talk is a really important part of my general mental health. And I am happy to be having a baby. I'm just all those other things right along with it, and sometimes the more negative/harmful emotions feel closer to the surface.