I tried prunes for the first time this week. I just happened to see a bag of individually packaged prunes as I was walking through Shop Rite and thought "let me give these a try." Damian has had them before and he said they weren't bad, and we typically like the same foods. I was pleasantly surprised. They're kind of like raisins, but not so sweet. I can't say that I love them, but they aren't bad at all. It took me a couple of tries to get over their look. They kind look like giant cicada bodies. Sometimes I just close my eyes and take a bite. Maybe this is TMI, but I'll just say that they're been helping with the problem I bought them to solve.
Also, Drake's been very wiggly lately. It's been fun, but every once in a while, I think he must do a somersault or something because it is the weirdest sensation! He responds to music, especially piano. I'm not sure if this means he likes it or not. We have about 80 days left! Oh dear.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
(Not) Managing Stress
There are some uncertain things going on right now with my job. Things that may mean I will be on the market soon. It has nothing to do with my performance, and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing is settled yet, but it should be by the end of the week, for better or worse.
As you can imagine, this is not good timing for me. The position was perfect for my life as a new mom as it is a steady (benefited) part time position, and not only that, who on earth is going to hire a 7 months pregnant woman? I know there are laws saying that I can't be turned down just because I'm pregnant, but that doesn't mean people won't do it. And I can understand why, I'd start working and two months later be out for at least 6 weeks.
The stress is getting to me, and I can't really talk to any one about it. I don't want to stress Damian out along with me, and other people just say "don't stress about it" or "stress isn't good for the baby." That second one really makes me pissy. If I could just turn my stress off, I would, wouldn't I? And it being bad for the baby doesn't make it any easier to calm down. It assumes that some mother instinct that I don't have will rise up and squash the stress. But in reality, just thinking of having the baby and not having a job makes me start to hyperventilate.
So I've been distracting myself with video games and books since I found out. I can't think about it. As much as I enjoy games and reading, I realize that I'm not actually dealing with any of the emotions, I'm just hiding from them. I should face them and confront them, but I just can't. When I give into them in that way, I spiral. It's not pretty. There are things I can let myself feel fully, things I can let myself feel a little at a time, and things I just keep tucked away. This stress right now is one of the things that needs to stay in hiding (although it keeps trying to escape).
By the end of next week, I'll know if the stress battle will continue or if I'm in the clear. The waiting and uncertainty of it all it just as bad as the stress. Should I be looking for work? Will I be eligible for unemployment? Where should I be looking? Will my supervisor help me pick up some hours here and there? Do I know anyone who could connect me to employment? What if I can't find anything? Will we have to move? Where on earth would we move? Should we get rid of one of the cars? Can we manage only one car with (eventually/potentially) two working people?
Then there's the uncertainty of Damian's schedule, which just throws a kink into everything, and makes planning very difficult. There's just too much uncertainty and too many questions. I would like the wait to be over so that I an start figuring out which ones are important.
As you can imagine, this is not good timing for me. The position was perfect for my life as a new mom as it is a steady (benefited) part time position, and not only that, who on earth is going to hire a 7 months pregnant woman? I know there are laws saying that I can't be turned down just because I'm pregnant, but that doesn't mean people won't do it. And I can understand why, I'd start working and two months later be out for at least 6 weeks.
The stress is getting to me, and I can't really talk to any one about it. I don't want to stress Damian out along with me, and other people just say "don't stress about it" or "stress isn't good for the baby." That second one really makes me pissy. If I could just turn my stress off, I would, wouldn't I? And it being bad for the baby doesn't make it any easier to calm down. It assumes that some mother instinct that I don't have will rise up and squash the stress. But in reality, just thinking of having the baby and not having a job makes me start to hyperventilate.
So I've been distracting myself with video games and books since I found out. I can't think about it. As much as I enjoy games and reading, I realize that I'm not actually dealing with any of the emotions, I'm just hiding from them. I should face them and confront them, but I just can't. When I give into them in that way, I spiral. It's not pretty. There are things I can let myself feel fully, things I can let myself feel a little at a time, and things I just keep tucked away. This stress right now is one of the things that needs to stay in hiding (although it keeps trying to escape).
By the end of next week, I'll know if the stress battle will continue or if I'm in the clear. The waiting and uncertainty of it all it just as bad as the stress. Should I be looking for work? Will I be eligible for unemployment? Where should I be looking? Will my supervisor help me pick up some hours here and there? Do I know anyone who could connect me to employment? What if I can't find anything? Will we have to move? Where on earth would we move? Should we get rid of one of the cars? Can we manage only one car with (eventually/potentially) two working people?
Then there's the uncertainty of Damian's schedule, which just throws a kink into everything, and makes planning very difficult. There's just too much uncertainty and too many questions. I would like the wait to be over so that I an start figuring out which ones are important.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)